


Seamus Versus The Fourth Of July

by WeWillSpockYou



Series: Georgia On My Mind Special Chapters [4]
Category: McKirk - Fandom, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Cocktail Weenies, Fourth of July, M/M, Seamus saves the day, and there was much rejoicing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-22
Updated: 2014-09-22
Packaged: 2018-02-18 08:33:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2341865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WeWillSpockYou/pseuds/WeWillSpockYou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seamus experiences his first Fourth Of July with his forever family, The Kirk-McCoys.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Seamus Versus The Fourth Of July

I’m a pretty simple dog. I love my tiny humans. They are mine to love and protect and I do a very good job at it if I do say so myself, fuck you very much. Hey, how do you like my new saying? The kind man said that the other day and it made the big man laugh, so I am now trying it on for size. I’m not sure I like it very much. Jake, my tiny boy human said that word and was sent to something called a “time out.” The big man made him sit on the bottom step of the staircase all by himself and when I went to comfort him because he’s my tiny human, the big man, ‘grumpy man’ is what I should call him, called me away and told me Jake had been bad.

Hey, I’m a dog, I know what “bad” means, hell I am the definition of bad. Remember my story about peeing on my original owner’s Persian rug?  I know bad and trust me when I tell you, Jake is not bad.  I sat at the grumpy man’s side and whined for my tiny human. No amount of petting and stroking from the grumpy man’s gentle hands was enough to soothe me, I needed my Jake and he needed me.

When the grumpy man called for Jake, I made a break for it, running to him and kissing his face again and again with my tongue until my Jake started to giggle.

“Okay, Seamus, you had your cuddle, now it’s time for mine.” The big man said as he swooped Jake into the air and away from my love.  They settled together in the dining room and I could hear bits of the conversation that included, “bad words not being appropriate for young gentlemen.”

I didn’t know that words could be bad, “bad words, bad, bad words,” but I was willing to roll with the idea and hey, no one was calling me bad, so it was win-win in my book. Just then the door opened and my other tiny human was shouting my name.

“SEEEEEEAAAAMUUUUUS!” Joanna called from the doorway.

I bounded toward her as fast as my big legs could carry me. It was our favorite game. I would run at her as fast as I could, stopping just in front of her. It made her giggle her sweet, high pitched giggle which is the second best sound on Earth. The first best sound being the word, “pancake.”  May I remind you how deep my love of pancakes is? I love you, pancake.

Where was I? Oh yeah, my tiny girl human. She lunged forward to hug onto my neck as the kind blue eyed man rubbed my ears in greeting. I was too busy loving my Joanna to notice the kind man talking about something called fireworks. I should have been paying attention. My family’s security is a responsibility I take seriously…when I’m not getting loved on by my tiny humans.

 

Later that day, I was introduced to something that would change my life forever, something that would make me question my love of pancakes; the cocktail wiener. As I continued to be loved on by my Joanna and my Jake, I noticed my large humans were bringing in bags and bags of food into our kitchen.  Large amounts of food meant one thing in my world and that was a party.

It may surprise you to know I’m not a party animal. Pffttt, not a party animal, I kill me sometimes. No seriously, I hate parties. There are too many people around and it’s hard to keep my humans safe. There are also other tiny humans who scream when they see how big I am or they hug on me with sticky fingers or worst of all and I’m trusting you all to keep this under your hats, they try to ride me like a pony. Dammit, I’m a dog, not a Kentucky Derby winner. They climb on me and holler “Giddy up horsey” in my ears and bounce on my poor spine until their parents come and lug them away…that is unless they manage to wrap their tiny yet powerful legs around my belly so that when the parents try to heave the child off, they are heaving me up as well. So yeah, not so big on parties. I am, however, big on party food and thus my introduction to the cocktail wiener.

Let it never be said that I am not cunning. I, in fact have the cunningist of all cunning plans when it comes to the preparation of food in my home. Yes, I said it, MY home. My favorite spot to lie in the kitchen is in front of the enormous sliding glass doors. This has become my sentry post after the incident with the tiny frog invasion.* You never know when dinner or a crunchy amphibian snack is gonna walk, literally, through the door.

I slump myself against the door and wait. Oh, I also plaster my best, bored as hell look on my face so that my large humans don’t think I have any desire to eat their yummy food. HAHA, little do they know the scope of my desire to eat their yummy food. Yes, I, Seamus, the giant Irish Wolfhound could rule the world with their food and opposable thumbs. And a human voice, yeah, those three things and its “All Hail King Seamus.”  I see my blue eyed human drop one eye closed and I know its game on. For some reason, he gets clumsy and drops things on the floor right after his left eye closes. I worry about him.

Anyway, a tiny hotdog like object fell, in slow motion, I swear, to the floor. I bide my time, not moving a muscle. They still must think I have no interest what-so-ever in the delicious morsel that has just hit the floor. The waiting is killing me. I can see the grumpy man’s shoulders lifting up as he peers over his shoulder to look at me. I quickly slap on a look of disinterest, which, for some reason, makes him laugh harder. It must be a private joke between my two large humans.

“Seamus.” Mr. Blue Eyes calls to me and I make big production of stretching as I stand up and shake my furry ass for good measure before slowly sauntering over to my human. He reaches down and rubs my ears. I’m not gonna lie to you, it doesn’t get much better for me than having my ears rubbed, unless it’s abandoned pork products on the kitchen floor with my name written ALL over them.

“Weenie, Seamus.” He pointed to the floor and I sniffed at the…weenie. I looked up at him like I didn’t know what to do with it. HA! That’s a laugh, me not knowing what to do with abandoned food. “Come on Seamus eat the weenie.” He urged.

I didn’t need to be told twice. I wolfed that sucker down in no time flat, because I’m a wolfhound, it’s what we do.  It was delicious. I love you, weenie. I love you so much in fact, I will do the weenie dance of joy. Both of my big humans laughed and laughed at the happy dance. It’s not every day 120 pound of furry love dances through your kitchen. Today was my day.

 

Later that evening, even I, monumental party pooper that I am, and don’t think the grumpy man didn’t have a few choice words to say about my taking that statement literally, was having a good time.  My tiny humans were openly feeding me weenies. Other dogs’ tiny humans were feeding me too. One clever boy was tossing them into the air to see how high I can jump to catch a weenie in my mouth. Let’s just say I can jump pretty damn high, ain’t no mountain high enough to keep me from getting to you weenie.

“Come on kids, sparklers.” My blue eyed human called out. There was only one word in that sentence that I did not understand, which turned out to be a bigger problem than I thought.  I followed behind the other kids to where my Jake and my Joanna were holding something in their little hands, they were holding, FIRE! FIRE! FIRE! My tiny humans were on fire. I raced to them, knocking into anyone who got in my way, even Miss Ellie was not immune to my charge as I loped to save my humans.  I was barking and growling at the fire and doing whatever I could to knock the fire away from their tiny bodies.  Through all the commotion, I could hear the grumpy man calling my name and not in a way that was indicative of his appreciation of my bravery. There would be no weenies in the winner’s circle for me.

He dragged me off to a quiet corner of the party and explained that my Jake and my Joanna were perfectly safe with their sparklers and that I owed Miss Ellie an apology for running her over.  “Dammit Seamus, you’re a dog, not Jesse Owens.” Whoever the fuck THAT was, I grumped and made my over to Miss Ellie.

 

The night only got worse from there. Dark had fully fallen and the smaller tiny humans were starting to get what the grumpy man ironically calls “cranky pants.” If anyone knows about cranky pants, it’s my grumpy pants human. My fur was getting tugged and one little monster bit my soft ear. Dammit did that hurt. I yelped in pain and tried to dance away from the tiny boy, but that made him scream in response. This time the kind man came looking for me and made a funny bleching sound when he encountered baby spit on my ear as he led me away from the scene of my latest altercation.  He was kind enough to sit with me, away from the madness of the party, talking softly about what a good dog I was. I leaned against him and rested my head in his lap. The night was starting to turn around for me. Little did I know the end of the world was upon us all. 

Suddenly, the sky lit up in bright light and there was the loudest BOOM I had ever heard.  IT’S THE END OF THE WORLD, THE END OF THE WORLD! I scrambled off of the kind man’s lap and was frantic to find my tiny humans. More bright lights showered overhead as I raced back and forth trying to find my Jake and my Joanna. They were nowhere in sight. BOOM BOOM BOOM. Goodbye cruel world, I thought as I continued to race through the crowd searching for them. Thankfully, I caught Jake’s familiar scent and I was off again, not caring who I stepped on or mowed over to get to them. They were lying with the grumpy man on a blanket staring up at the end of the world. I dashed to them and tried to stand guard.

“Move your furry ass, Seamus, you’re in the way.” Grumpy pants said to me.

BOOM BOOM BOOM.

I bolted to Jake and Joanna who were also less than pleased with my furry ass. Now that I knew my family was safe I had time to take stock of myself. I tried sitting down near them but the loud noises were scaring me.  I butted my head against Jake who pushed me away, pointing to the sky and the bright light that I knew would signal my doom. Joanna responded the same way and told me not be such a scaredy dog. I moped away from my heartless humans and tried to find a place to hide from the terrible sound. I squeezed myself into the house behind some skinny girl and headed up to my big human’s bedroom. I had a bed in there and just wanted to lay my furry ass down. I’m ashamed to admit when the BOOM noises started to happen all at once, in what I now know is a “finale,” I dashed under the bed and whined until it was finally over.  

I must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I knew, five sets of eyes were peering at me from the opposite side of the bed. I could smell weenies, but even that wasn’t enough to make me come out of hiding.

“Come on, Seamus, get your furry ass out here and I’ll rub your ears.”

RUB MY EARS? I belly crawled my way to freedom and the grumpy man’s legendary hands.

Happy Scare The Crap Out Of Your Dog Day, everyone.

 

*Seamus is of course referring to _I Quit Nature_ :  <http://archiveofourown.org/works/1824523>

**Author's Note:**

> This story was inspired by a cartoon posted on my Facebook page back on the Fourth of July. It was a dog cowering under a sofa and you could see fireworks through the window of the room. The dog was telling his human there was enough room for him to hide under the sofa too. The caption was the last line of the story. I was sick over the 4th and got behind on so many other writing projects that by the time this one was finished, it was almost August and I felt silly about posting it then. Now that fall is upon us and the temperature has dipped into the 40’s here in Massachusetts, I figure what the hell…Here’s some summer for you all!
> 
> Seamus having a cunning plan is in homage to the brilliant Britcom BlackAdder, “I have a cunning plan…”
> 
> There are so many funny lines in this story, my favorite being Seamus quoting a line from “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough” in reference to his love for the cocktail weenie.
> 
> One of my favorite things about this little fic is the way we see Jim and Bones from a different perspective. I love the little conversation between Jake and Bones after Jake says a bad word. You know somewhere in that conversation Jake must have pointed out if it was bad for a little gentleman to say that word it’s bad for a big gentleman to say it too! Hence, the swear jar. I also love the way we see Jim and Bones laughing together as they make food for the party. Then of course there’s Miss Ellie’s cameo appearance. We all know she didn’t mind one bit being run over by Seamus’ shaggy ass and she probably had a weenie or three in her pocket for him! The last scene where the kids, Jim, Bones and Miss Ellie are trying to coax Seamus out from under the bed is just precious. I imagine they were all frantic trying to find him, Bones most of all! 
> 
> Seamus is hilarious. I love writing him so much!! Here is a spoiler alert for those of you who follow Georgia On My Mind. You’ll all remember the chapter on Miss Ellie’s farm, told from Jake and Joanna’s perspective. There is going to be a follow up chapter of Seamus’ adventures on the farm as well. Look for that in the next two weeks!!


End file.
